June 2
bigtips
On the awful itch of hair regrowth, Mother knows best
by M.T. "the Big Tipper'' Martone
Dear Big Tipper,
I can't believe I'm going to offer you some advice for your readers on a topic as physically personal as the agonizing itch of shaved hair growing back on body parts usually covered by jockey shorts or panties.
I am a straight woman, old enough to be the grandmother of most of your readers (56), and when I was a girl growing up, the few questions about sex that I ever got the courage to ask were greeted by embarrassed silence, followed by a book on sexuality appearing on my bed with no further comment.
When I read the letter from "Got Me by Those Short Hairs" [May 19], I
knew I could not let your reader writhe in agony while I protected my Victorian sensibilities.
Soft cotton, gently packed into and around all orifices and crevices in the jockey-shorts domain, will help to keep short hairs from stabbing nearby delicate body parts. The cotton helps because it isolates each hair in a protective cocoon and at the same time it serves as a gentle wedge to keep body parts
from rubbing against each other.
Vaseline can help to hold the cotton in place when the prickles are on one's backside. A small amount of medical tape can also be used if necessary to hold the cotton padding in place. It takes a generous amount of cotton (not woven cloth, but cotton-ball type cotton) to cushion and pad the area. But
EO
BIG TIPS
the relief is worth whatever the cotton costs and however much it takes.
For "Short Hairs," a good bet would be the long "ropes" of cotton that hairdressers use to line the face and neck when giving a perm. Strips of the right length could be cut and used to pack that tormented backside crevice of your suffering reader.
Blue boxes of rolls of cotton used to be available at drugstores. If they still are, these cotton rolls make great packing material. If no other large cotton is available, small cotton balls can be gobbed together to make a large enough pack to protect one's sanity until the hairs grow back.
When Nature calls, of course, one should remove the cotton and tape before perching on the throne.
Hollinghurst's second novel disappoints, in fits and starts
The Spell
by Alan Hollinghurst. Penguin Books, $24.95 hardcover $12.95 paperback
Reviewed by Anthony Glassman
Many books start off slowly and get better later. Some start well, and fall apart at the end. Others are simply wonderful from beginning to end, a pure joy to read.
This isn't one of them. It isn't one of any of them, interestingly enough.
The pace of this novel, author Alan Hollinghurst's sophomore effort, is erratic. If it were a car, the ride would be described most kindly as "jerky."
The first chapter, set in the past, introduces the reader to the least accessible member of the ensemble cast. Later chapters bounce from one character's viewpoint to another, though all of the book is written in third person. Some chapters
the conflict between rural and urban, is interesting at points. Overall, however, the book is mired in the self-pity of fairly antipathetic characters, likeable only out of a sense of pity, and sunk in a morass of cheap sex and prolific drug use, both legal and illicit.
It almost seems, at points, that Hollinghurst is giving his readers a chance to be disappointed by each of the characters in turn. Even stronger is the sense that he wrote the
The Spel
take place immediately after the previous one, others months (or, in the case of the segue from chapter one to chapter two, decades) after the chapter before it. It's unsettling, and leaves the reader constantly playing catch-up, if the reader hasn't given up. The book does have some entertaining moments, and its view of the generation gap in the gay community in England, as well as
book in a series of drug-in-
duced, stream-of-consciousness spurts, never really knowing where he was going with the story until it spilled out onto the page.
The London Times refers to the book on the back cover as "a masterpiece of sustained titillation," but there is very little titillating about it. The sex is not usually graphic, nor does it seem particularly plentiful, and most of it arises out of perfunctory need, not even hot lust.
To make matters worse, the ending is so pat, it makes you want to tear the last few pages out. Had Hollinghurst ended the book with "And they lived happily ever after," it would have been less contrived than the ending he thought up. Overall, a very disappointing book; perhaps the beatific face on the cover unnecessarily raised expectations.
Antone F. Feo, Ph.D. & Associates, Inc.
·
Gay/Bisexual/Lesbian Issues
· Sexual Relationship/Concerns
No Wait Policy
·
-Depression/Anxiety Abusive Relationships
Transgendered
· HIV/AIDS/Chronic Illness
24500 Center Ridge Road, Bldg. 4 Suite 100
Westlake, Ohio 44145 440/899-1300
When, as a mother of a lesbian and a member of P-FLAG, I first began shyly raising my voice on gay issues, I never envisioned that my greatest contribution to the well-being of gays might be a trick I learned after returning home with my first-born baby. I don't know if it's still standard procedure, but in the old days, hospital policy dictated that the pubic hair of women in labor be shaved in preparation for the big event. "Postpartum blues" is a wimpy term for describing that period of hair regrowth.
Please rush this bit of solace to “Short Hair." It might help to save his sanity, his job, and his relationship.
Dear Cotton Mother,
Mother Knows Best
Brilliant! Thank you so much for this suggestion. Shaving isn't a standard delivery routine these days, so this strategy probably isn't as fresh in most folks' minds. You've also given me one more reason to appreciate what my mom (who's a bit older than you are, by the way) went through to squeeze me out.
I can't imagine, however, that this is your greatest contribution to queer well-being in general. Being in P-FLAG and putting the good word out there about loving and respecting your daughter is a big fat deal. Cheers. And may your backside be itch-free the rest of your days.
Dear Big Tipper,
I am writing this to you from the only room in the house that is not full of throw pillows, and the only reason it's not full of throw pillows is because I've thrown them in the closet!
My partner has started on a pillow sewing jag, and they are everywhere. He's made them for all of our friends, and now that they all have them, he's filling our house with them. He's even made an embroidered sham
for the dog's bed.
I know that this will stop eventually, because he gets on these kicks, and starts doing some craft, then he does it for months, then he gets tired of it, and moves on to something else. But by that point, our home is full of
whatever he's been making, and it takes me years to get rid of it.
We have vases and glasses he's made during his bottle-cutting project, and string art, and I can't even tell you what it's like when the Christmas boxes come out. We retired a few years ago, and although he's always been the type to make things, he just never seems to stop now. He really loves making things, but I feel like I'm drowning.
My idea of a nice retirement is gardening, and I'm afraid it's only a matter of time before he thinks of making ceramic gnomes or something for out there. There won't be any room left for plants.
I want him to be happy, but I need to stem the tide. What can I say to him?
Dear Craft Bizarre,
Stuff It
Boyfriend sounds like he has a lot of energy since he quit his day job. Your fantasy retirement may be potting around in the backyard, but he needs to put his energy into something organized.
He seems ripe for a big project, like teaching after school art classes to kids, or volunteering in a hospice or rest home to do the same. He could probably organize a whole craft fair for some local organization, complete with craft workshops at the event.
If he's quieter or shy, he could make things to donate to programs: there are hospital programs that collect quilts and afghans for new moms without a lot of money, or stuffed toys for sick kids. If he's interested in AIDS work, he could coordinate folks to make panels for the Names Project Quilt, or make panels himself for people who didn't have people to make one for them.
I think it's all about getting him to use that create-energy for good and not for evil, and to give away the majority of what's he's generating. Heck, if his stuff is nice, find a local craft store that'll consign his work, and maybe he'll buy you a few nice plants!
Burning questions? Contact me at the Chronicle, attention Big Tips, P.O. Box 5426, Cleveland 44101, or fax to 216-631-1052, or e-mail to martone@drizzle.com.
KICK BACK & RELAX IN WEST VIRGINIA MOUNTAINS CATERING TO GAY MEN
Hot Tub/Pool Hiking Secluded Mountaintop • Clothing Optional
ROSELAND GUEST HOUSE & CAMPGROUND
RD 1. Box 185B. Proctor WV 26055 (304) 455-3838
e-mail: roseland a revideo.com Web Site: www.revideo.com/roseland
Cleveland 3.5 hours Columbus 2.5 hours
STOP
5th Anniversary Season Day Pass Available
■ FORECLOSURES I.R.S ACTIONS
Charleston 2.5 hrs. Cincinnati 4 hours
■ GARNISHMENTS
· LAWSUITS
CHAPTER 7
CHAPTER 11
CHAPTER 13
Cancel debts while keeping most property
Control business operations & personal affairs while restructuring
Save your home by consolidating debts into a monthly payment plan
Joan Allyn Kodish Co., LPA
1015 Euclid Avenue • Cleveland, Ohio 44115
(216)566-0580